


More Than Anything

by WreakingHavok



Series: Infinity War [1]
Category: Avengers: Infinity War - Fandom, Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crying, Denial, F/M, I just really love star-lord, Like several of them, Major character death - Freeform, Peter messes up big time, The Other Peter, my poor son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 18:45:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14503200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WreakingHavok/pseuds/WreakingHavok
Summary: Peter roars, rears back, and socks the most powerful being in the universe in the face.Later, he’ll regret it.But now his heart is screaming from being ripped apart, and his whole body burns like he’s back on Ego’s planet, being used and drained of all his energy; now he’s yelling with tears pouring down his face, and his hand feels like he’s punched a brick wall.Now, he has no time to regret it.Or,Peter Quill screamed at the universe that he'd lost all he could. The universe laughed back, and proved him wrong.





	More Than Anything

**Author's Note:**

> AN: As with my other Infinty War fic, events will be slightly AU as I can’t remember the exact happenings or dialogue. Also, I seem to be in love with the parentheses scattered format, what do you think? Is it too hard to understand?
> 
> I’m a sucker for Starmora and my heart was broken by this movie. Have an angst.

All it takes is a moment, and then Gamora is gone.

 

Peter stares, Thanos’s laughter still echoing in the air, eyes fixed on the spot where she’d stood just seconds before. She’d just been there, he swears, pleading with him to kill her. Pleading with him to end her life, choosing the universe over him, asking him to do the impossible thing that he’d already sworn to do. She’d just been there, and then he’d blinked and she was gone.

 

**(I love you more than anything, she says, voice breaking and so full of emotion he has to double check that it’s actually her speaking.)**

 

“Gamora,” he chokes out, with some idiotic hope that she’ll pop out from behind a column or reality will warp again, revealing her green skin and always perfect hair. Unscathed and fine, she’ll laugh, holding the gauntlet in her arms as she teases him for worrying. Of course I won, she’d say. Of course I did. When did you ever doubt me?

 

Gamora is indestructible, Gamora always wins, and Gamora would never leave him. She’d never leave him, she’s not like his mother or Yondu, she would never hurt him like this, she promised. Except Peter promised, too. Peter promised, and he kept his promise, and his promise was shoved back down his throat with an explosion of glitter. 

 

What was it worth, anyway? All that trauma and decision-making, just to blow a couple bubbles in her face and watch as she was stolen away.

 

**(He’s raising the gun, looking hollowly at her eyes, and he sees that she knows exactly what she’s asking of him. But she doesn’t stop begging, reminding him of what he agreed to in a fit of denial that he’d ever need to do it, and he wants to curl up and die and never move again.)**

 

It’s not fair, he screams to himself, like a petulant four year old. It’s not fair, not fair.

 

It’s not fair that his dad murdered his mom. It’s not fair that Peter felt no remorse as he returned the favor. It’s not fair, he’d screamed as Yondu held him, freezing before his eyes in the dark expanse of space. It’s not fair for the universe to play with him like that, toy with his emotions like he’s on a reality T.V. show, and it’s not fair to take her away just as soon as she’s finally said it.

 

**(I love you more than anything, she says, and if things were normal, Peter would laugh and dramatically gasp, hand to his heart. You love me? He’d say. You’ve broken the unspoken vow. And she’d smack him, and it wouldn’t hurt. But this is not normal; there are tears running down her cheeks, and he’s got a gun pointed at her face.)**

 

Life isn’t fair, responds a voice in his head that sounds a lot like Rocket.

 

Peter doesn’t care. He doesn’t care - it’s his right to whine about it and he’s going to complain all he wants, because his life is screwed up and so what if he can’t do anything about it?

 

**(He promised, he swore on his mother’s life, but the ironic thing is that there’s only one thing more precious than his mother, and that’s Gamora.)**

 

A breeze blows through the empty and demolished landscape, feeding the flames and rustling dust on the floor. Someone runs past him, a defiant yell screamed to the empty space that Gamora should occupy. He realizes with a start that his vision is blurry, warm water falling down his cheeks from his eyes.

 

No.

 

No, no, no.

 

He’s not crying. Not now, not when they have work to do.

 

**(His hand shakes as he aims for her forehead, too caught up in his emotions to wonder why Thanos hasn’t killed him yet. He shakes and he feels like his soul is curling up inside his body, and he closes his eyes and pulls the trigger.)**

 

Gamora isn’t dead, so they don’t have to mourn. Peter can’t - will not - cry, not when there’s nothing to cry about. Gamora is not dead, he chants, scrubbing furiously at his traitorous tears and hoping Mantis and Drax aren’t looking.

 

He turns on his heel, stalking back to the ship.

 

Let’s go, he says, so quiet the others don’t hear him at first. 

 

Let’s go, he repeats, snapping loudly and hating the way his voice breaks in the middle of the last word.

 

His friends say nothing as they walk back to the ship, Mantis looking like she’s choking back sobs as Drax stiffly pats her back. His other hand is curled into a fist, face pinched, and Peter doesn’t need antennae to know that he’s angry. And if Drax slams the ship doors a little harder than necessary, Peter doesn’t yell at him for denting the metal. And if Mantis stares at Gamora’s seat too long to be an accident, Peter won’t say anything.

 

**(Gamora doesn’t flinch, to her credit, although Peter does, expecting the recoil of his blaster, expecting a pained scream. A faint whirring reaches his ears, and as he opens his eyes warily, a bubble pops on his nose.)**

 

Flying is harder without a co-pilot, Peter finds. But he will not cry. Because Gamora isn’t dead. There’s no reason to mourn for someone who’s alive, and they’re going to find her. They’re going to find her, and she’ll be fine, because Gamora is always fine.

 

**(Thanos laughs, Gamora screams, and with a cloud of blue mist, they disappear.)**

 

Gamora isn’t dead, he repeats, over and over. Gamora isn’t dead, Gamora isn’t dead. 

 

They’re going to find Thanos. They’re going to find him and cut off his head and Gamora will be there. And she’ll be fine.

 

Because Gamora is not dead. 

 

Until she is, and Peter’s world comes to a screeching and painful halt.

 

Thanos groans, and Mantis unwittingly copies him, pain deeper than Peter can ever know emanating from the Titan.

 

Peter reels, and he can’t believe what he’s hearing as Gamora’s sister tells him that she’s dead. He won’t believe it, he won’t, he can’t -

 

He’s spent the past twelve hours denying that she’s gone, and here are three people outright telling him that it’s over. That he’ll never see her again. Denial is just a river in Egypt, his mom used to say - or some crap like that, and Peter feels his hands begin to shake. Gamora’s not dead, Gamora -

 

Gamora’s not -

 

Except he knows, somewhere, that what they’re saying is true. He feels it, somewhere - pain, building up pressure in his chest, and it hurts worse than he thought it would.

 

Quill, I’m gonna need you to calm down, says the Terran in a metal suit, abandoning his position at Thanos’s gauntlet.

 

Peter pays him no attention.

 

Anger builds up, accompanying the stabbing agony - anger at Thanos, anger at himself, anger at Gamora - doesn’t she know he can’t live without her? Power floods through his entire being, and he lets out a scream. 

 

Star-Lord is half human, half Celestial. They couldn’t stop him even if they had time.

 

Peter roars, rears back, and socks the most powerful being in the universe in the face.

 

Later, he’ll regret it.

 

Later, as he watches the spider-kid get slammed into the ground by the neck, he’ll regret it. Later, as Tony’s eyes glaze over from the knife imbedded in his stomach, he’ll regret it. Later, as the wizard gives the Time Stone over, he’ll regret it.

 

Later, as he’s dissolving into ash, and Peter knows he’s the reason they lost the battle and he’s the reason they’re all dying, he’ll regret it.

 

But now his heart is screaming from being ripped apart, and his whole body burns like he’s back on Ego’s planet, being used and drained of all his energy; now he’s yelling with tears pouring down his face, and his hand feels like he’s punched a brick wall.

 

Now, he has no time to regret it.

 

And later, as his body burns from the inside out, he closes his eyes and lets the tears fall, glad that she isn’t here to see him fall apart.

 

Everything goes black, and everything is beautifully numb, and then Peter Quill is only a pile of ashes on the ground.

 

**(I love you more than anything, she says, and then she’s gone, and Peter doesn’t care that it hurts to follow her. He refuses to leave her to die alone.)**


End file.
